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Browsing Category : Satire

Dentist Visibly Unimpressed By Unconscious Patient’s Penis


Grand Rapids, MI – After waiting in rapt anticipation for Cory Cole’s anesthesia to render him incapacitated, local dentist and national pervert Neal Watson sighed in frustration after finally getting a good look at Cole’s man-bits. According to sources, Watson debated whether it was even worth getting his camera equipment and lighting rig set up for photos of Cole’s disappointing…

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Office’s “Casual Friday” Policy Updated To Include Casual Sex


Las Vegas, NV – In what was described as an effort to “improve employee morale while simultaneously addressing all this sexual tension in the room”, exotic car rental service Vegas Good Rides declared that its Casual Friday policy had been expanded to not just allow casual hookups in the office, but to highly encourage the practice. The update, announced less…

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Woman Seated Next To Toilet Forever Cursed To Know Everyone’s Bathroom Schedule


Akron, OH – After spending almost two years seated directly outside the office bathroom, senior marketing manager Kelley Wagner has realized that she will have the daily pooping schedule of over 100 other people burned into her memory for the rest of her life. Wagner has grimly come to grips with the fact that, despite wanting to remember details like…

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Product Managers Blissfully Unaware CEO Just Pivoted Business Model Again


San Francisco, CA – While dating app Cryodate’s product management team celebrated finally charting a profitable product roadmap within the next year, they still remain out of the loop on Thomas Champman’s decision to upend the business model yet again, this time by switching to a rideshare platform for exotic pets. Chapman came to the idea at 3 .am. yesterday…

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Man Thinks Sexual Harassment Meeting Perfect Time To Test Out New Stand-Up Material


Los Angeles, CA – Concerned Proxana employees grew agitated during their annual sexual harassment training upon the stark realization that Leonard Barnes, full-time H.R. specialist and part-time stand-up comedian, was forcibly working untested comedy bits into the presentation. The realization quickly dawned upon them when Barnes, who has worked with all of the meeting attendees for at least 18 months,…

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Coworker’s Meal Prep Lunch Clearly Leftover McDonald’s


Baltimore, MD – After forcing her coworkers to sit through multiple sermons about the health and cost benefits of meal-prepping lunches for the week, Courtney Blair raised eyebrows at work when she pulled out a leftover McDonald’s Quarter Pounder value meal for lunch. Coworkers sat with their mouths agape as Blair even ate reheated McDonald’s fries, universally regarded as the…

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In Effort To Better Prepare Users For Real World Work Environment, Khan Academy Now Offering Courses In Office Politics


Mountain View, CA – After gathering feedback from some of the largest companies across the United States on the difficulties of Khan Academy users adjusting to corporate life, founder Salman Khan announced plans to launch an “Office Politics” series of courses designed to prepare students for the the cold bucket of water to the face that encompasses actually being another…

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Spontaneous Rugby Game Breaks Out At “Work Hard, Play Hard” Office


Wellington, NZ – In an effort to live up to Henderson Logistics’ “work hard, play hard” motto, over two dozen employees spontaneously started a full-contact rugby game in the middle of the office. The marketing department trounced the finance department 34-20, led by former New Zealand All Blacks captain Richie McCaw, now moonlighting as a social media coordinator. Unfortunately, the…

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Notepad Brought To Every Meeting More For Show Than Actual Note-Taking


Chattanooga, TN – After coworkers asked Bert Hubbard to check his notes from a previous product meeting about what they had decided to name a variable, the front-end engineer was forced to admit that his bright-red Louis Vuitton Epi leather notebook was “more of a fashion statement” than of any actual practical use. Hubbard also noted that the color pencils…

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Due To Budget Cuts, Employees Now Required To Share Streaming Video Logins With CEO


Fort Wayne, IN – Sweeping budget cuts were made at Fort Wayne Waste Removal, with mass layoffs and salary freezes impacting all departments, as well as completely gutting CEO Ellis Connor’s streaming video expenses. Connor gave a 30-minute speech to the remaining employees to express how devastated he felt to not know how Narcos: Mexico ends, or that he had…

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