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Browsing Category : Satire

Employees Devastated After Fire Department Fails To Let Office Burn To Ground


San Francisco, CA – Employees consoled each other in mourning as they could only stand powerlessly nearby while fire fighters successfully extinguished a kitchen fire.  Officials stated that the fire was started by an anonymous individual who accidentally tried to microwave over a dozen firecrackers.  Multiple anonymous employees described themselves as “inconsolable” after discovering that the fire department was able…

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Americans Shocked To Discover Tax Reform Plan Didn’t Get Rid Of Taxes Altogether


Washington, D.C. – Americans were distraught and confused at a national level on Tax Day this year after finding out that last year’s massive tax reform plan still required them to continue pay way too much money to a bunch of anonymous government a–holes, instead thinking that last year’s bitter back-and-forth over tax reform between Democrats and Republicans was about…

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Consultant Delighted To Discover Client A Total Shitshow


Portland, OR – After listening to Carlton Carter, CEO of marketing agency You4ia, privately deride his entire executive team as “wishy-washy limpwrists that never met a decision they couldn’t punt on”, business consultant Bianca Wolfe smiled to herself knowing that Carter’s debacle of a company would be a goldmine of client, never able to properly evaluate her performance due to…

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Coworkers Talk For First Time In Almost Two Years To Discuss ‘Game Of Thrones’ Season Premiere


Riverside, CA – Despite sitting directly next to each other and oftentimes collaborating on the same marketing projects, coworkers Claude Guerrero and Justin Underwood actually conversed with each other for the first time since August 28, 2017, to talk about how awesome the latest “Game of Thrones” episode was. Guerrero and Underwood have somehow managed to avoid making any sort…

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Man Files Discrimination Complaint After Coworkers Continue To Talk About Shows He Can’t Stream


Bethesda, MD – After coworkers refused Tony Croft’s demands that they take his lack of an HBO account into consideration and stop discussing the series finale of The Wire, Croft felt he had no choice than to file an official discrimination complaint with the Human Resources department and what he called their “responsibility to protect all workers from damaging spoilers…

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Study Reveals Female Executives 90% Less Likely To Be Given Desk Than Male Counterparts


Seattle, WA – Revealing just how large the gender gap remains in corporate America, a new report released by the University of Washington discovered that female executives are 90% more likely to not have a desk in their office than male executives. Instead, female executives are more likely to work either sitting on the floor or while standing in a…

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Guy Seriously Lists CrossFit Certification On LinkedIn Profile


Kansas City, MO – Despite bearing absolutely no relevance to his professional career, underachieving salesman Dax Keegan actually thought it was a good idea to list his CrossFit gym membership on his LinkedIn certifications, where he thinks potential work connections will be blown away by his inability to do a single pull-up correctly. Keegan, who hasn’t listed any of his…

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Female Employee Politely Declines Boss’ Sexual Advances For 600th Consecutive Day


El Paso, TX – After pushing down her natural reaction to slap her boss across the face and instead letting out a clearly forced laugh, Sonya Patterson declined Jeremy Elliott’s offer to show her “how a real man would make (her) feel in the bedroom.” The unnecessarily polite rebuttal marks the 600th consecutive day that Patterson has had to turn…

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