Local Woman Wakes Up Slightly Disappointed America Hasn’t Fully Collapsed Into Dystopian Future Yet

Newark, DE – Despondent by the lack of notifications on her phone about President Trump declaring war on California or the rising sea levels wiping out the Gulf Coast, liberal arts major and recent nihilist Shania McCormick begrudgingly headed into work, annoyed that it would probably be at least another day before she witnessed the disintegration of American democracy. McCormick bases her belief that America is on the edge of ruin due to only getting any news from her friends Snapchat reactions to political posts on Reddit.

“Ugh, it feels like we’ve been talking about Trump being a Russian puppet and illegal border imprisonment and Chinese mass murders and Israel-Palestine tensions and school shootings and Netflix price hikes for like, forever,” McCormick complained. “I just want to see if this all ends worse than Game of Thrones did.”

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