Miami, FL – After waking up excited to spend Thanksgiving doing nothing more than drinking beer, gorging on turkey and watching NFL games for nine consecutive hours, diehard football fan Dominic Willard was overcome by the sudden realization that he wasn’t actually ready for some football upon realizing that the Detroit Lions, Buffalo Bills, and Atlanta Falcons were all playing. Instead, Willard texted his boss asking if he could head into the office, where he wouldn’t be forced to watch someone with either the last name “Allen” or “Ryan” attempt to read a basic cover two defense.
“As a hardcore NFL fan, I’m usually willing to overlook the brain damage to the players and the completely amoral behavior of the owners,” said Willard as he tweaked a PowerPoint font. “But even I have my limits.
“And they all involve really sh—-y quarterback play.”