EPA Declares Earth’s Climate Crisis Defeated After Office Employees Successfully Consider Environment Before Printing Email

Washington, D.C. – With carbon emission levels lower than ever and the polar ice caps fully reformed, EPA director Andrew Wheeler proclaimed that humanity was no longer on the brink of an ecological disaster thanks to the brave actions of office workers everywhere considering the fate of the environment before printing an email. Wheeler said that he couldn’t be happier with the initiative’s success, though he wishes they had appended the email footer to additionally state considering refilling the coffee machine if it’s empty.

“Our children, and our children’s children, owe a debt of gratitude to all of America’s office workers for fighting the urge to hit Ctrl+P the second they open an email,” stated Wheeler. “We thank you for your sacrifice by not printing unformatted Excel workbooks, chain letters from elderly relatives, or 20 year-old ‘Far Side’ comic panels.”

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