Playa Vista, CA – After arriving to work excited to riff on last night’s Monday Night Football broadcast, Dave Maxwell was devastated to discover that his office BFF, Omar Roberts, had called out sick with “explosive bathroom stuff.” Maxwell told coworkers that not was his day ruined, but he felt like he had wasted last night as well when he watched ESPN’s football coverage just to find stupid things that Booger Macfarland said so that he could share them with Roberts.
Maxwell was also overheard on the phone with his girlfriend telling her that he felt betrayed by Roberts’ absence, and that he knows his friend is totally fine. Maxwell was certain of this because Roberts declares that he had “never felt more alive” after crushing his usual steak, chicken and steak burrito at lunch yesterday.
“I can’t believe he would call out sick without telling me beforehand,” sobbed Maxwell. “We could both be drinking bottomless mimosas in Santa Monica and ignoring work emails together right now.”
When asked by his girlfriend why he never called out sick to take her to bottomless mimosas, Maxwell pretended that the line was cutting out before abruptly hanging up on her.
According to sources, Roberts desperately wanted to tell Maxwell he was planning on calling out sick, but he didn’t want to explain that it was so he could go interview at Google.