Plano, TX – With the release of Pizza Hut’s new Stuffed Cheez-It pizza, religious scholars across the globe worried that fast food scientists no longer fear any higher power as they create unholy food combinations designed to appeal to man’s most gluttonous desires. Pope Francis warned Catholics that the devil takes many forms, and that his latest iteration appears to be in the form of Pizza Hut’s Lead Food Concoction Scientist, Jeremy Brewers.
When asked to comment, Brewers began cackling maniacally while shouting that not only was he above the rules of nature, he also declared that there was no mortal creation that he couldn’t turn into a seasonal pizza special.
“Did you truly think my machinations would end after we stuffed pizza crusts with cheese? That wasn’t the end, that was simply the beginning,” laughed Brewers. “And it’s not just Italian food that we’re going to mutilate. I’m in talks with Panda Express to release Lo Mein noodles stuffed with enchilada sauce. Gatorade wants to know if we can add alfresco sauce to their electrolytes.”