Google’s Quantum Computing Division Makes Giant Breakthrough After Solving 10,000 Year-Old Logic Problem Of Why People Are Always Five Minutes Late To Meetings

Palo Alto, CA – In what has been described as a breakthrough as monumental as the first time someone responded to a work email on the weekend, Google boasted that their quantum computing division had finally solved one of man’s oldest and greatest questions: why people arrive five minutes late to a meeting. The dilemma has flummoxed the world’s smartest minds for centuries and has long been considered not just unsolvable, but also madness-inducing. The most notable example to this day remains Albert Einstein, who grew so disillusioned as an executive assistant by his inability to ever get a meeting started on-time that he instead decided to switch careers and focus on theoretical physics because he found it to be “more predictable.”

However, Google’s latest breakthrough suddenly makes sense of the unpredictable chaos of trying to get more than three people to meet in a conference room on time.

“When I first started working in quantum computing, I dreamed of bringing logic to the unpredictable: how a butterfly’s wings in China affects Los Angeles weather, or how to have millions of self-driving cars talk to each other in real-time to finally solve gridlock once and for all,” stated Dr. Gene Wu. “But never in a million years did I think we would ever figure out why it’s so hard for Dave from marketing to show up to a meeting before it’s halfway over and then make us spend the remaining half getting him up to speed.

“But now, thanks to quantum computing, we can finally pinpoint that it’s because no one wants to even be in a meeting and wished that we had sent an email instead.”

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