Las Vegas, NV – With nothing left on the shelves besides naughty secretary costumes and Kim Jong Un masks, Halloween Costumes 4 U employees shed a tear as they realized that the greatest job of their livers was officially coming to a close. The employees, which include high school students, assisted living residents, and recently released parolees, unanimously agreed that working at the seasonal pop-up store was easily the most satisfying career that any of them had ever had.
“Obviously I’ll never forget any of the times that I helped convince some female office worker to go for the sluttier costume for their company Halloween party,” said convicted sex offender Jared Newton. “But what I’m really going to miss are the laughs we shared.
“Wait, no, it’s definitely going to be all the times I helped women pick out really skanky outfits.”
Even Newton’s non-pervert coworkers agreed. Rosa Gonzalez, a retired housekeeper who took the job just to avoid mandatory arts and crafts classes at her retirement home, raved about her time at Halloween Costumes 4 U.
“Before I started working as a cashier here, I would spend my days placing dry macaroni on cardboard and calling it ‘art’,” said Gonzalez. “Even my seven-year-old granddaughter gets glue, but they won’t give it to us because they’re afraid we’ll accidentally glue our dentures to our gums.”