Atlanta, GA – After deciding he needed outside help to figure out how to move forward in his stagnant career, disillusioned front-end engineer Jason Holmes decided to turn to career coach Spencer Nguyen for outside help. Almost immediately, Nguyen realized that he could play a pivotal role in the job-jumping engineer’s development, and the two set to work on an intense six-week career coaching regimen that has resulted in the fastest 40-yard dash times in Holmes’ life.
“I took one look at Jason and knew that he is never going to put in the effort to change his work habits and his self-limiting thoughts that are keeping him from lasting more than three months at any company,” explained Nguyen. “So I’ve been feeding him a bunch of malarkey about how he should get his body right in order to get his mind right, and he buys it because he thinks it’s some Asian proverb.
“I took that from an episode of Ballers. Maybe if Jason actually busted his ass at work, he could afford HBO Go and would know that.”
With the unathletic engineer most likely topping out on his 40-yard dash time, Nguyen has already brainstormed other fitness goals that Holmes shockingly believes will improve his employment opportunities. The career coach has come up with a variety of pointless physical tasks, such as flipping his Volkswagen Jetta’s spare tire, seeing how high Holmes can jump, and just running around touching cones that Nguyen arbitrarily placed in the park.