Branson, MO – After their discussion over who should supervise the launch of their website redesign suddenly turned from playful banter to deeply personal insults about each other’s childhood, fellow product managers Henry Herrera and Angelina Holt realized that the sexual tension they had been resisting was actually just old-fashioned, hate-filled tension. Coworkers often described the pair as the “Ross and Rachel” of the office due to their playful banter and seemingly obvious romantic chemistry, apparently unaware that their longing looks into each others’ eyes weren’t romantic overtures but actually just vivid imaginations picturing the other person suddenly suffering a crippling heart attack.
“For all these years, I thought Angelina was the one for me,” chuckled Herrera. “Turns out she’s actually the one that’s been driving me to drink heavily after work.”
Holt expressed similar thoughts before walking into their boss’ office to demand Herrera’s termination for being “a total d—head.”
“It’s funny to say this now, but I once put our LinkedIn headshots into one of those photo generators to see what our children would look like,” Holt said. “But now, I’m trying to find a legal way to force the government to castrate Henry.”