Men’s Health Journalist Concerned Half-Page Article Not Comprehensive Enough To Turn Any Lady On Street Into Freak In Sheets

New York, NY – Kyle McGuire, senior editor for Men’s Health and self-proclaimed Olympian-level sexthlete, found himself unable to focus on his favorite Pornhub streams over concern that an upcoming article, “How To Make Any Woman Do Anything You Ever Want In Any Bed Ever”, might not live up to its premise. McGuire, who credits his game to watching Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, Jersey Shore, and Will and Grace, voiced concerns over Slack that 150 words and a photo of Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini wasn’t thorough enough to “make any man irresistible to the entire female population.”

“I’m ashamed to devalue the world-class Men’s Health brand by putting out false information about how to turn any woman into sexual putty,” remarked McGuire as he an amateur threesome streamed in the background.”Especially when it only devotes a couple sentences to the ‘runaway jackhammer’ position.”

When asked for comment, ex-girlfriend Carol Watson agreed with McGuire’s assessment, noting that “they could give him every page of every Men’s Health magazine for the rest of eternity and he still wouldn’t find the answer on how to get a woman excited in bed.”

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