Jeff Bezos Woken Up At 4 a.m. Haunted By Memory Of Failing To Become Early Pioneer In For-Profit Prison Market

Seattle, WA – As he patted sweat off his body with wads of $10,000 bills, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos once again tried to move past the recurring nightmare of the time he turned down an Amazon partnership with for-profit prisons. Bezos has told close associates that the dream is oftentimes so vivid and real that even his sophisticated Mackenzie-bot sex doll isn’t able to snap him out the funk. Instead, Bezos typically fires the store manager at whatever Whole Foods is nearby.

“Just think, Mackenzie-bot: if I had simply gone through with Amazon Incarceration, I could get divorced another three or four times and still be the richest man in the world,” mused Bezos as the robotic homage to his ex-wife violated the uncanny valley. “Guess, I’ll just have to keep turning the warehouses into prisons instead.”

Related: Bezos Founds New Charity Dedicated To Feeding Starving Amazon Employees

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