Carson City, NV – Minutes before being escorted off the premises by security, junior account executive Miles Willard staunchly declared sexual harassment as “100% unacceptable, unless she’s wearing something that’s practically begging for some salacious commentary”. Willard, who recently went through a contentious divorce after his ex-wife discovered his collection of self-curated upskirt photos, describes himself as “practically the biggest feminist in the office”, and considers the 2014 Penthouse calendar in his cubicle “a brave depiction of feminine beauty filtered through the lens of push-up bras and fishnet stockings.”
Despite his coworkers repeatedly trying to change the conversation while backing away slowly, Willard pressed on.
“Yoga pants? Halter tops? Unwashed jeans and her boyfriend’s sweatshirt? That’s like wearing a sign that says ‘you have the right to spit as much game at me as you can until I make it to my car and find my pepper spray’,” Willard said. “But that’s okay, they owe us one for letting them have the right to vote.”