Palo Alto, CA – As senior product manager Dave Gilletsby kicked off the weekly product roadmap by explaining how an update to picture gallery arrows led to a five percent engagement increase, tuned-out employees happily shifted their full attention towards their smartphones browsing Instagram, playing Fortnite, and responding to headhunter inmails on LinkedIn. Employees remained comfortable paying zero attention to any of the presentation knowing that, much like every other update meeting Gilletsby had ever led, absolutely no meaningful information would be presented and their time would be better spent meeting their daily DuoLingo goal.
“I love Dave’s weekly product updates,” said back-end developer Jason Vanderbilt. “I spend the hour before it in the tech scrum getting chewed out on why our site keeps crashing on mobile, so it’s nice to just decompress and get some ‘me time’ for an hour.
Despite the typical lack of engagement, Gilletsby has noted that meeting attendees will suddenly start to pay attention whenever a new mobile feature is added to the site as 20 silent zombies suddenly become QA engineers, designers, and content editors on the fly.