Memphis, TN – As Edwin Clayton jokingly scolded fellow regional account executive Blanche Silva “for being such a naughty girl in the office”, employees at Memphatic Marketing grew increasingly uncomfortable by the pair’s supposedly platonic relationship as office husband and wife.
The duo formally began their office marriage two nights ago after a working after-hours together 12 straight days in a row. After Silva joked about how she was spending more time with Clayton than with her husband, the 34 year-old DeVry dropout dropped down on one knee and asked the former essential oils sales rep if she would be his office wife, afterwards sliding a Burger King onion ring over her engagement band.
Tensions at work have grown stronger in the office among Memphatic Marketing employees a Clayton and Silva have started actively referring to each other as “honey”, “babe”, and “tingleberry”, both in person and on email. Coworkers say that they’re “frozen” on what next steps they should take because the office is divided on whether this should be an HR issue or they should be calling Silva’s husband and Clayton’s mom to let them know what’s going on.
Dante Goodwin, the sales manager that the office couple reports into, has struggled to come to grips with how quickly their relationship escalated.
“At first, we all thought their office marriage was kinda quirky but harmless,” said sales manager Dante Goodwin. “Blanche would bring him an extra Mountain Dew Code Red, and Edwin would give her one of his Bronco Berry Sauce packets from Arby’s. But then they started talking about raising office kids together, and I’m pretty sure they plan on ‘adopting’ me as their son.
“Listen there are a million reasons that shouldn’t happen, beginning with the fact that I’m older than them, and I have my own family, but Blanche feeds her two year-old daughter a mixture of whey protein and creatine and says it’s just as good as formula. I fear for my safety in their hands.”
Despite their coworkers’ misgivings, Clayton and Silva remain fully committed to their office marriage and are looking forward to their office honeymoon in the copier room.