Jacksonville, FL – MegaVee Robotics shareholders were dealt a stunning defeat today in their lawsuit against the company after federal judge and self-proclaimed “puppyholic” Brittany Barnes ruled that nothing in the company’s legal paperwork forbidding CEO Stacey Pratt from appointing her five month-old puppy, Muffins Van Der Bark, as her successor. Barnes cited the case of Air Bud Vs. Washington, a landmark decision that would have allowed dogs to participate in human sports, had it actually happened in real-life and not in the Air Bud cinematic universe.
“While there is plenty of documentation in MegaVee Robotics’ charter around how to oust a CEO that is showing gross negligence, incompetence, or operating in bad faith, there is nothing that actually states that the CEO has to be a human,” wrote Judge Barnes. “And of course that would be impossible to determine because Mr. Muffins Van Der Bark is such a very good boy, yes he is the goodest one.”
With his role as CEO at firmly established, Muffins Van Der Bark plans on shifting MegaVee Robotics away from life-extending nanotechnology and instead pivot towards figuring out where the ball goes when a human puts it behind their back.