El Segundo, CA – Emboldened by the confidence of a warm summer day combined with the judgment-impairing effects of a couple Michelson Lights, junior Q.A. engineer Willie Stephens shed aside all societal and professional norms by removing his shirt in the middle of his company barbecue. The brave act became a catalyst among Stephens’ coworkers, who then proceeded to turn the stodgy corporate barbecue into a full-on rager.
Jasmine Wallace, Director of Human Resources, immediately ordered her benefits coordinator to take the hidden handles of vodka from underneath her desk and start handing out double shots while declaring that anyone who didn’t take one “is a total p—y and that it’s going down in your permanent file.” Account executive Wilbur Peters wowed coworkers with his safety preparedness when he retrieved a magnum revolver from his car for a friendly game of Russian roulette.
“Usually at these corporate events, I try to leave after my second over-cooked burger,” stated Dan Agruilla, V.P. of Marketing, while he loaded up another beer bong. “But now that Willie’s going streaking? This thing’s a f—night party.”