Employee Hoping Third Sneeze In Row Coerces Manager To Send Him Home Early

Dallas, TX – Satisfied that his coworkers were all thoroughly impressed with him for coming into work sick, project manager Derrick Woods began greatly exaggerating his sneezing and coughing fits while hoping that his manager, Lily Thompson, would take pity on him by sending Woods home early. Woods has long prided himself on never calling out of work, instead preferring to show up as sick as possible until being forced to go home out of sympathy and disgust.

“It would be one thing if Derrick came in, blew his nose a couple times, and stayed pretty quiet,” stated Thompson while spraying Febreze and chugging Emergen-C. “But because he’s a theater major, he’s got to spend the entire time over-emoting every time something comes out of him.

“For f—‘s sake, it’s a sneeze, not an air raid siren.”

Related: Health Experts Encourage Sick Employees To Call Out Of Work If They’re Just Going To Be Babies About It All Day

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