San Francisco, CA – While dating app Cryodate’s product management team celebrated finally charting a profitable product roadmap within the next year, they still remain out of the loop on Thomas Champman’s decision to upend the business model yet again, this time by switching to a rideshare platform for exotic pets. Chapman came to the idea at 3 .am. yesterday morning while trying to find a way to transport his pet Anaconda, Bison, to the vet, only to be rejected by over a dozen Lyft drivers before his account was banned.
The change marks Cryodate’s third pivot just this year, as Chapman has become infamous for his knee-jerk reactionary changes. Previously, Chapman pitched the company as a virtual reality simulation, a subscription box service for men’s designer underwear, and, after finally getting around to watching Iron Man, an artificial intelligence coined “JARBIS.”
Jesse Holland, senior product manager, has already created over a dozen stories in Jira that his tech team is allocatin. Coincidentally, Champan has already spoken to all of Cryodate’s investors to let them know about the latest pivot, and that he “conservatively” estimates Exotic Travels to be finished by end of month.
“Fortunately, there’s a lot of overlap between creating a dating app and a rideshare service,” boasted Champan, who has never sat in a single roadmap or development meeting. “You open an app, and you pick the first thing willing to give you a ride.”