Fort Wayne, IN – Sweeping budget cuts were made at Fort Wayne Waste Removal, with mass layoffs and salary freezes impacting all departments, as well as completely gutting CEO Ellis Connor’s streaming video expenses. Connor gave a 30-minute speech to the remaining employees to express how devastated he felt to not know how Narcos: Mexico ends, or that he had waited so long to ever get started on Game of Thrones, even though everyone he’s talked to said the ending sucked. Connor then stated that all employees would be required to share their streaming service logins and passwords on a whiteboard outside his office, while also requesting that they create a unique profile for him so that their recommendations don’t get mixed up.
“In times of financial instability, sacrifice is oftentimes needed, such as not being able to re-watch Amazon Prime’s gritty cop series, Bosch, for a third time,” stated Connor. “But thanks to your forced cooperation, we’re able to come out of this stronger than ever before.
“Except for the marketing department, because that no longer exists.”