San Diego, CA – The ghost of bloodthirsty Spanish pirate Diego Cervantes, who perished in the Pacific Ocean in 1691 and was cursed by a Kree shaman to roam the earth eternally while trapped between worlds, has expressed frustration to his fellow ghost colleagues that his efforts to ruthlessly torment the employees of app game developer Cashcow Studios have gone largely unnoticed. Cervantes has repeatedly complained that the agonizing terrors from beyond man’s existence barely register to the common office worker when compared to the horrifying experience of being thrown under the bus on email by the CEO.
Cervantes has noted that his wailing and moaning throughout the hallways has gone largely unnoticed as everyone wears Apple AirPods throughout the day, and that the only time he has seen true fear was the day the coffee machine broke. However, no one paid any attention when Cervantes possessed the body of coordinator Tina Chang and forced her to speak in dead languages; instead they simply assumed she was speaking Chinese to someone on her phone.
“Yarr, how am I supposed to strike terror into these office drones when their bosses have already created a workplace environment so toxic that they already wish for the cold embrace of the afterlife,” Cervantes told Chief Demonic Horrifications Officer Beelzebub. “These office workers may roam the land, but they be just as dead inside as we be.”