Dallas, TX – As he spent the evening telling his barbeque guests that “this is what Memorial Day is all about”, Ernest Fletcher suddenly realized that he had no actual idea what the day represents or why he didn’t have to go into work today. As his guests nodded in agreement, Fletcher was unsure if they also didn’t know the purpose of Memorial Day, or if the day is actually federally recognized as a time to remember how great burgers and hot dogs are fresh off the grill.
Later that evening, Fletcher attempted to dissect the purpose of Memorial Day with his heavily inebriated wife, Sally, and their slightly inebriated golden retriever.
“I’m pretty sure that Memorial Day isn’t a religious holiday since we didn’t have go to church,” pondered Fletcher. “Maybe Memorial Day was made up by corporations, like Valentine’s Day? That would explain why I got such a great deal on my new Chevy Silverado.”
When his wife suggested that Memorial Day could be meant to honor those who served in the U.S. military, Fletcher scoffed loudly, noting that all military holidays are “Constitutionally required to have kick-ass fireworks.”