Pittsburgh, PA – As the long Memorial Day holiday approached, Nathan Kennedy excitedly informed his coworkers about his enthusiasm for the long weekend. While Kennedy couldn’t name any different plans for the extended weekend than any other weekend, he did make vague references to “unwinding” and “focusing on recharging the ol’ batteries.” Coworkers were able to deduce that Kennedy, whose only known hobbies are yelling at his TV while watching either sports or video games, most likely meant getting blackout drunk on his apartment’s balcony instead of his apartment’s couch.
“I feel sorry for all those people that waste their long weekends traveling and basically turning the whole thing into another day of work,” stated Kennedy, who has only left the city of Pittsburgh after accidentally misinterpreting the bus route to Heinz Field. “Three day weekends are for turning off the alarm clock and re-watching my favorite Ari-heavy Entourage episodes.”
As of press time, coworkers expect Kennedy to report back on Tuesday that he “could use a vacation after that vacation.”