Las Vegas, NV – Coworkers at Vegas Pyrokinetics recorded the disappearance of Tyrese Duncan by adding his name to their growing “2019 Missing Intern Tracker”, a dashboard assembled after 14 previous interns failed to ever return to work after being instructed to feed Dimitry Porozkyev’s pet Bengal tiger, Sprinkles. Despite their disappearance, employees noted that Vegas Pyrokinetics’ careers page still had over a dozen open job posting for various internships, with all of them requiring that the applicant “weigh at least 200 pounds composed of primarily dense muscle with no cat allergies”, while also having no roommate or family in the Las Vegas metropolitan area.
Vegas Pyrokinetics has been billed as “Las Vegas’ first and only entertainment destination for throwing and launching military-grade explosives”, and it has promoted itself as the premier entertainment event for bachelor parties, shotgun weddings, and funerals. However, anonymous sources familiar with Vegas Pyrokinetics’ financials revealed that company has been struggling to turn a profit, with monthly losses driven by higher-than-anticipated overhead costs to acquire the high-grade military weaponry from North Korea and Ukraine. The dire financial situation, combined with Porozkyev’s failure to make payments to his tiger trainer, has led many to wonder whether he has been responsible for any foul play in regards to his interns, a claim he strongly denies.
“Interns need to be wowed by opulence, just look at Google and Facebook,” stated Porozkyev. “That’s why I send them to my tiger pit, and the only reason I request that they remove their clothes and rub coconut oil over themselves before entering is to keep them from getting any bug bites. Never in my wildest dreams would I send them into any danger.
“I wish I could offer more proof, but, as you can understand, I disabled all the security cameras so that they wouldn’t be recorded naked on the premises.”