Washington, D.C. – Frustrated to find the National Rifle Association’s free-to-take 9mm ammunition tray empty once again, H.R. director Wendy Miller sent a company-wide email reminding employees anyone who takes the last available ammo from one of the many munitions dispensaries within the office is expected to get more from the supply cabinet. The email lectured NRA employees that they should “show the same respect to the office that you would in your home, which means having literally any type of ammunition readily available within arm’s reach.”
“Assault weapons, long-range sniper rifles, and super-cool handguns like the one in ‘Dirty Harry’ are a God-given right,” Miller wrote. “But none of those incredibly bad-ass pieces of American citizenry mean squat if we don’t have readily available ammo caches in our office every 15 feet, as mandated by the NRA charter.”
Miller then followed up with her own doomsday scenario, should NRA employees continue to ignore refilling the office ammo caches.
“What happens if Commiefornia liberals, high on stem cells and the adrenaline rush from their latest abortion, invade our offices and come charging in on Vespa scooters and spiking deadly volleyballs at us?” Miller pondered. “I shudder to think of the consequences if I were to reach for a bucketful of .50 cal rounds to load into my SAW, only to realize that P.J. from marketing forgot to grab more ammo.”