Dallas, TX – Screaming in terror upon seeing Armando Fillion walking toward the office while cradling his custom purple Martin D-15M acoustic guitar in his arms, coworkers immediately stopped what they were doing to flee through the nearest emergency exits. Fillion, who could be heard repeatedly screwing up the opening to Oasis’ “Wonderwall”, had long made aggressive remarks about bringing his guitar to the office, hiding the threat behind the false promise that it would “help his coworkers think.”
Coworkers had nervously laughed off Fillion’s repeated statements, afraid that any attempt to get H.R. involved would lead to Fillion playing clips of his own original songs on his Youtube account, “Fillion’s Songs For Your Soul.” Without any sort of preparation what many consider to be the worst-case office disaster scenario, employees were unable to escape Fillion’s makeshift concert, instead hiding under their desks hoping he doesn’t make eye contact and try to work their name into his love ballads.
“Gather round everyone, it’s time for some inspiration,” Fillion calmly stated, as if unaware of the ominous threat his words posed. “I’ve got a new song I wrote about my breakup with Darla, and it’s like the perfect 22-minute hybrid of Dave Matthews’ ‘Crash Into Me’ and Natalie Imbruglia’s ‘Torn.'”