Stockton, CA – After reading about Silicon Valley executives experiencing improved productivity due “micro-dosing” drugs like LSD and mushrooms, Krista Robbins recently began what she refers to as “mega-dosing”, where she will take three to four hallucinogens daily. Robbins explained to coworkers that if someone like Tim Ferris is seeing positive results from taking a quarter serving of LSD every five days, it stood to reason that she could dramatically increase his findings by dramatically upping the volume. Robbins then grabbed the kitchen fire extinguisher to fight the flame demon that only she could see.
Despite slowly losing her grip on reality and quickly losing her desire to wear pants, Robbins has staunchly defended megadosing on acid, mushrooms, whip-its, and low-quality meth.
“Peak performance should be the goal of every person, and I’ve found the secret cocktail to unlock it,” Robbins stated after her third eightball of the day. “And now that I can hear the whispers of all the spirits from the Revolutionary War, I’m finally able to truly visualize what the future of the internet is: buying drugs, like, all the time.”