Santa Fe, NM – Clearly satisfied with herself as she ruined yet another lunch suggestion, Bianca Bowen smiled smugly as coworkers struggled to come up with a dining option that would satisfy her gluten-free diet. Bowen has diagnosed herself with Super Celiac disease, a condition she describes as “like regular Celiac, but even worse because the discomfort is purely mental, not physical.” Super Celiac disease is unrecognized within the medical profession, but that Bowen said that she and over a dozen other sufferers have proven its existence in her Facebook group, “Super Celiac: It’s Real To Us.”
Coworkers have been repeatedly foiled by Bowen’s dietary restrictions. Bowen has blocked previous lunch suggestions due to being gluten-free, vegetarianism, veganism, something called the “Choco Taco Diet”, attempting to subsist only off of lavender chamomile candle aromas, and whatever juice cleanse one of the Kardashians is advertising on Instagram.
When asked for comment, Bowen quickly hid a McDonald’s Big Mac before responding.
“It’s been almost three months since I self-diagnosed myself with Super Celiac, but it still feels so rewarding today when I get to remind someone that I have it as it was the first time I told my ex-boyfriend,” Bowen recalled. “We had just had a fight, and he went and brought back my favorite pizza as a way to apologize. Coincidentally, that’s when I discovered that I had a gluten allergy.
“The timing couldn’t have worked out better.”