Denver, CO – An extremely personal and oddly specific job posting for a data analyst position broke away from the traditional format of listing responsibilities and requirements for the role and instead seemed to focus on airing out all the obnoxious habits that the previously employee brought to the office. The job description said that the position reports into the Director of Analytics, “not to the Vice President of Strategy, so please don’t waste time trying to run an end-around by hanging out in her office all day.”
The posting continued to make thinly-veiled swipes at the previous employee.
“The ideal candidate will show up Monday through Friday, even if there’s an accident on the highway, and yes, you may actually have to answer an email or two at home,” the job posting stated. “While this may interrupt your twentieth viewing of The Office on Netflix, it is expected that you don’t come into work 30 minutes late the next day ‘to get back the time you lost.’
“Also, if your manager brings donuts into the office on a Friday, just say thanks instead of asking why there isn’t a healthy option. It’s no wonder your wife left you.”