Las Vegas, NV – Disappointed in himself for not seeing it coming, marketing manager Shane Teller was heartbroken after his perfect NCAA bracket failed to predict top-seeded Duke’s shocking loss to the unranked Trump University team. Trump University was considered a long shot to even make the tournament, especially after the school had closed in 2010 and didn’t have a basketball team until four hours before opening tip-off. NCAA officials claim that an influx of last-minute overseas donations on behalf of the non-accredited unversity played no part in their selection.
Despite the irregularities surrounding Trump University’s entry, Teller still blamed himself for not seeing what he later described as the “blindingly obvious” final score of 144-59, with Trump University shooting 161 free throw attempts to Duke’s zero attempts.
“I just can’t believe I thought it would be such a cakewalk for Duke,” bemoaned Teller. “I spent so much time reading the hype of Duke’s players, like Zion Williamson, RJ Barrett, and Tre Jones, that I didn’t even think to read up on Trump University’s last-minute student transfers from the Russian Basketball Super League.
“Turns out, I should have been reading up on future superstars Viktor Gurgin, Mikhail Abramov, and Dimitri Gorbachev.”
Teller has found little comfort in the fact that Trump University’s upset has eliminated every known March Madness bracket in the United States. Sources confirmed that brackets in Saint Petersburg are reportedly “doing just fine.”