Savannah, GA – Annoyed at what he considered “unnecessary busywork”, chief surgeon Karl Studebaker complained to his patient, Jess Sturgess, that hand-washing was an antiquated policy with as much current application in the modern hospital as leeches or blood-letting. Studebaker also expressed indignation to Sturgess over how often his surgical tools need to be sterilized, calling it “overkill” to wash each device “when they’re just going to get dirty again anyway.”
Despite Sturgess’ attempts to steer the conversation in literally any other direction, Studebaker further expressed his frustration with basic sterilization practices while also spending an inordinate amount of time scratching his inner thigh.
“It’s just funny to me that the hospital gets rid of things that work, like electroshock therapy and lobotomies, but we’re still stuck living in the middle ages washing our hands before almost every surgery,” Studebaker remarked while shaking his head. “While we’re at it, why not just burn the hospital down and build a new one after every surgery?”
Afterwards, Studebaker thanked Sturgess for “being one of the cool patients” that’s fine with him just running his hands under under the hot water for a couple seconds before his heart transplant operation.