Employees Confused By Project Management System Ranked By Catholic Popes


Woodbridge, VA – After accidentally prioritizing a low-priority “Pope Pius II” Jira ticket over a mission-critical “Pope Paul VI” ticket, developers expressed frustration with Director of Engineering Michael O’Neill’s papal-based labels designed to rank project importance using the 266 Catholic popes to have ever served.

“I went to Catholic school all my life until college, and the only pope I know is the one my grade school is named after,” stated an exasperated Mark Hamburg. “And I’m having a harder time prioritizing our work by papacy than our outsourced developers in India.

“Actually wait, now that I think about it, the guy my school was named for might have just been a saint or something. Was there ever a Pope Jesus Christ?”

Despite the pushback, O’Neill insisted that the papal prioritization methodology is simple to understand for anyone with basic knowledge of the 2,000-year reign of the Catholic Church.

“Mark’s project to reduce our data storage expenses would be classified as a Pope Innocent XIII, since, as we all know, he was best known for abolishing excessive spending habits with the Catholic Church,” O’Neill explained in between Hail Mary prayers. “Whereas the data breach we recently suffered would be considered a Pope Francis, since, much like his current Holiness, we would prefer that everyone ignore our current scandal and accept our empty promises to fix something that we have no intention of digging into unless legal action is taken.”

Related: Jesus Christ Upset Everyone Else Gets Day Off For His Birthday

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