Huntington, NY – Anonymous sources report that office accountant Monica Earnhardt has complained to her manager, Sean Wilks, about the overwhelming amount of work-related questions that are directed to her, taking umbrage with the fact that her coworkers seem more concerned with how well the company’s profit margin is performing rather than showing any concern about her sick tabby cat, Hobbes. Sources confirmed that she remains furious that no one has asked her once if the cat’s name is based on the imaginary character from Bill Watterson’s comic strip, “Calvin & Hobbes”, but have found the time every single day to ask for an update on monthly revenue.
Frustrated by the lack of unnecessary small chat, Earnhardt has taken matters into her own hands through unusual methods. In last week’s revenue presentation, she included an appendix solely dedicated to which wedding dress she would wear if her long-time boyfriend of seven years, Evan, proposes to her. Earnhardt also tried sending out a weekly update of her cooking adventures involving lentils, but has yet to gain any traction from coworkers.
“I’m starting to wonder if any of my coworkers would even talk to me if I wasn’t the sole owner of the company’s minute-by-minute financial outlook,” bemoaned Earnhardt to her manager. “It’s like the only reason they brought me on was to do the tasks listed in the job description instead of getting to know the real Monica Earnhardt.”