San Francisco, CA – HR officials refused to approve Brandon Northwood’s travel expenses after reviewing his meals, noting that he had eaten all of his meals at gentleman’s clubs and spending over $12,700 during a two-night conference trip, believing that it would have been possible for him to eat at restaurants that don’t feature naked women gyrating to Kid Rock songs from the 1990’s. Northwood has found himself at odds with HR in the past, such as when he tried to rent a Lamborghini Aventador to impress his peers at a hacker convention. HR denied the expense, noting that Hertz offers Toyota Corollas for over $1,000 less per day.
Northwood was shocked and appalled by his expense request denial, noting that he was simply wining and dining industry connections while enjoying the local cuisine.
“It’s insulting to think that I would go to Sapphire’s Premier Strip Club, Treasures Gentleman’s Club and Restaurant, or Crazy Horse for my own personal enjoyment,” Northwood defiantly told Kerrie Struthers, V.P. Of HR. “Do you think that I want to sit there for eight to ten hours a night while women take their clothes off instead of getting a good night’s rest? Or that I want to spend over $10,000 in the champagne room while two women bump and grind all over me to the Kid Rock song I requested?”
When Struthers told Northwood that she does believe that he enjoyed his time at the strip clubs, he continued to defend himself.
“I do this for my work and to put our company’s name out there. This has nothing to do with my former porn addiction. I just want to remind everyone that I was able to conquer my demons thanks to prayer, Jesus, and becoming obsessed with high-stakes poker.
“Oh great, now you’re going to tell me that you’re not going to cover my gambling losses either, aren’t you?”