Reston, VA – After meeting attendees were disappointed to discover that a vegetarian pizza from Domino’s had been ordered part of their lunch meeting, employees immediately began loading up on the other pizzas that contained meat and other toppings that they actually wanted. The silent protest quickly turned into a vocal boycott after coworkers realized that the vegetarian pizza hadn’t been ordered on accident, but was deliberately picked by office manager Candace Guzman.
“I was confused at first, thinking Domino’s probably messed up our order,” said disoriented, glassy-eyed engineer David Parnett. “It’s a lunch meeting for the tech team, so I’m like, ‘oh maybe this was supposed to go to that yoga studio next door’, but instead I find out that Candace ordered this on purpose.
“Does she realize how much of a f— up this is? An entire pizza is going untouched, so now I’m only going to get six, maybe seven slices. How am I supposed to get through the day?”
Employees were swift to condemn Guzman’s decision once they realized it wasn’t a mistake.
“We’re only allowed four pizzas, so why would you waste one of them on some garbage that none of us are going to eat?” questioned QA engineer Antonio Dyson. “After the Meatzza pizza, and the Ultimate Pepperoni pizza, there’s only one Buffalo Chicken pizza left before we’re stuck with this vegetarian pizza monstrosity. This waste of dough and cheese could have been used to create a real pizza, like a Philly Cheese Steak pizza, or a Memphis BBQ Chicken pizza.
“I would’ve even settled for a Wisconsin 6 Cheese pizza, assuming they hold the oregano.”