Roanoke, VA – Mindy Evans, social media coordinator, has replaced her company-issued office chair with a yoga ball this morning after reading the latest Cosmopolitan article, “10 Sexy Ways to Sex Up Your Body While Stuck Not Having Sex At Work”. Coworkers also confirmed that Evans threw her old chair into the nearest dumpster, confidently stating that this is a “lifestyle switch, not a light switch”. When asked for clarification, Evans was more than happy to elaborate for over an hour about her new way of life.
“It’s time for a new me,” stated a shaky, tottering Evans as she struggled to keep the ball from rocketing out from under her and into nearby data analyst Alicia Stevens. “And sitting on an unstable object that may potentially pop at any time is just one of the many attitude-altering, life-seizing changes I’m tackling. I’m no longer eating solid food and subsisting solely off of juice cleanses. I just traded my Mini Cooper for a mountain bike on Craigslist, and my new bedtime is 6p.m., ’cause you know I’m all about that beauty rest.
“This Mindy-overhaul was a long time coming, regardless of whether or not my fiance left me for his best man.”
While coworkers have remained publicly supportive of Evans’ efforts, privately they have expressed doubt at her ability to actually change herself for the better.
“Unfortunately, we’ve all seen Mindy try and pull a 180 on her life before, and she can never follow through with it,” said one unnamed source. “But here’s hoping it works out better than her attempt at going vegan, or training for a triathlon, or reconnecting with her abandoned daughter.
“Let’s definitely hope it goes better than that last one.”