San Antonio, TX – Following a combative status update meeting with company executives, product manager Ilana Barnard and data analyst Karen Huerta agreed to a short huddle-up to review feedback and plan out next steps. Despite Barnard’s assurances that the sync would “only take two seconds”, sources confirmed that the pair have already met for over four hours with no apparent end in sight. Huerta has already texted her daughter to find someone else to pick her up from cheerleader practice.
Coworkers say that the sync, which has exceeded the length of the latest Avengers movie plus bonus credits scenes, was doomed from the start when they heard Barnard tell Huerta that “she should definitely load up on coffee and maybe use the bathroom too”. Sources were also able to create a rough estimate of how their time has been mismanaged so far:
- 15 minutes in the kitchen getting snacks sharing their favorite Instagram dog profiles
- 30 minutes spent looking for a meeting room before settling on the one they just left
- 90 minutes complaining about the feedback they received
- 60 minutes agreeing that the project was doomed from the beginning and absolving themselves from responsibility
- 30 minutes peer-reviewing each others’ LinkedIn profiles for recruiters
- 0 minutes spent discussing how to raise any of their perceived issues about the project to management
While Huerta and Barnard have yet to actually discuss the substance of the executive team’s feedback, they plan on addressing it as soon as Huerta gets back from her second bathroom trip.
Huerta and Barnard are both willing to continue the highly unproductive meeting for as long as it takes, including after work at the nearest airport bar, preferably while happy hour is still happening.