New York, NY – Executives at Pinscher Industrial were stunned during yesterday’s quarterly board meeting after senior financial analyst Preston Babington responded to CFO Darcy Kneeland’s question by calling her “Mom”. Kneeland finally broke the three-minute silence when she went on record to say that she is not Babington’s mother nor in any way related to him before claiming that her phone was ringing and that it was “super urgent”.
Realizing his gaffe, Babington at first tried to hand wave it away, saying that he was sure that all his coworkers had referred to their boss as “mom”, or even “mommy”, at some point in their careers as well before extending his hand for a high-five that none of his coworkers returned. The entire room responded to Babington’s claim by taking a formal survey to see if this was true, and every other attendee vehemently denied ever referring to any coworker as either parent.
Babington then became combative and felt the need to defend his own childhood.
“I’m not the one with mommy issues, I think it’s ridiculous I even have to say that,” shouted Babington, despite no one in the room wanting to explore the relationship between Babington and his mother. “Lots of kids are breast-fed through high school, Google it.”
Sources confirmed that Babington has also referred to his 3rd grade teacher, the first nurse to give him a needle shot, and his current girlfriend as “mom”.