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Trainwreck Team Dinner Salvaged With Booze


Madison, WI – As chiropractic office Stiff Back Breakers’ mandated team dinner struggled to find any source of conversation less than three minutes after being seated, office receptionist Becky Gallagher displayed impressive problem-solving when she frantically flagged down the waitress and ordered a beer.  Almost immediately after, all of the other attendees ordered drinks as well, quickly opening the door to actual interaction and conversation among people who just a few moments ago unanimously agreed not to order appetizers so that they could leave as soon as possible.

“I was ready to spend the entire dinner just openly reading Reddit on my iPhone,” remarked office manager Ben Dyson.  “But after Becky ordered that beer, I realized that I could also make the most out of an awkward, forced bonding situation, and went ahead and ordered myself two Jack and Cokes.”

The rest of the office followed suit, with the local Hooters waitstaff shifting multiple waiters to the party to keep up with the assorted bottles of wine, pitchers of Budweiser and Fireball shots for the entire table.  Shortly thereafter the team was quickly bonding over their shared views on how ugly head chiropractor Sofia Vincent’s baby is (Vincent was not in attendance).

Hooters waitress Jessie Mayhew marveled at how quickly the group’s atmosphere had changed.

“When I greeted  the table, the first thing they asked me was which entree came out the fastest,” recalled Mayhew.  “And I was like, ‘well, this tip’s going to suck tonight’.  Next thing I know, they’re ordering so many Rip Roarin’ Rum Runners and Hootercanes that I was afraid we were going to run out of our finest Bacardi Rum.”

While the dinner was considered a success overall, it did have its drawbacks; mainly attributed to the fact that Gallagher was unable to come in to work the next day due to a DUI.

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