V.P. of Technology Wins Bet That He Can Fit Inside Filing Cabinet

Reno, NV – Jordan Goodwin, V.P. of Technology at data security firm Dynexio, proved naysaying coworkers wrong as he was able to fit his entire 6’4″, 214 lb. frame into his office filing cabinet.  Tech employees gave an uncomfortable round of applause after watching Goodwin spend over 30 minutes working himself into the cabinet, with many unable to make eye contact with him after he got out.

Goodwin moved into the tech industry ten years ago, when prior to then he was best known for his magical act at Las Vegas’ Circus Circus Hotel & Casino.  He was abruptly forced to stop practicing magic after his assistant, Moira Durnhoff, had both her legs amputated in a botched “Human Shrinking Spell”.  Despite being expelled from the magician’s community and losing a civil lawsuit to Durnhoff, Goodwin still considers the trick a success, noting that “she got smaller, didn’t she?”

Goodwin still works at his previous craft when not busy at his day job, and oftentimes even when he is overwhelmingly busy at said job.  During a previous data breach emergency, Goodwin was practicing his signature trick, the “French Painter”, where he pulls a baguette and a paintbrush from his esophagus.  Employees have also warned new hires not to take Goodwin up on any offers to sniff his flower, noting that Goodwin will “spray them with something that definitely isn’t water.

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