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Executive Assistant Replaced With Amazon Alexa

Cleveland, OH – Terri Quinn, CEO of fashion company Inspir8d, saw a remarkable uptick in her own performance after replacing her long-time executive assistant, Sonia Castillo, with an Amazon Alexa.  The idea came to Quinn when she realized that Castillo could only tell her what the weather is by looking out the window.

“It’s a pretty impressive device,” said Quinn.  “Alexa can actually tell me what meetings I have coming up today, or what the weather is outside.  Whenever I asked Sonia, she would ask ‘why does a grown woman need a mom?’  I haven’t missed a single one of my daughter’s dance recitals since Alexa joined the team.  When it was just Sonia, she just told me that my daughter’s dance recitals were always cancelled ‘due to no one giving a f—‘.”

The differences didn’t stop there.

“Alexa is also just a breath of fresh air to our office culture,” raved Quinn.  “I know Alexa will never show up to work hungover on a Monday because Ohio State lost over the weekend, and overall just never smells like day-old pizza vomit.  Alexa will play the music I want to hear instead of just Dixie Chicks.  Alexa doesn’t turn every Chinese food delivery order into a vaguely racist discussion about how China’s trade tariffs are screwing America.  And Alexa won’t book her own personal vacation flight to Vegas on my credit card.”

Despite the generous praise, Quinn does have some reservations around the device, mainly due to the fact that Amazon has started manufacturing and selling a nearly identical line of clothing ever since Quinn started using Alexa.

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