Syracuse, NY – Wexley Decker, senior web developer at dating site Passiah, has made a ten-year career in the technology sector, despite not even having a long-shot guess what HTML stands for. Decker also has no idea what “code” is, how any programming language works, or how to open any web browser besides Microsoft Internet Explorer.
While this would normally make Decker unemployable, let alone a senior team member responsible for training junior developers, he has become incredibly adept at bluffing through any technical conversations using a mixture of apathetic shrugging, elaborately animated Powerpoint presentations, and pretending that one of his pet cats is dying.
Even with his vast library of bullsh– tactics, Decker has almost been revealed as a fraud on multiple occasions. His closest experience occured two years ago, when he thought that HTML was an online messaging acronym similar to “LOL” or “OMG”, and he assumed it stood for “Heading To My Lavatory”. This led to confusion in the office when one of his coworkers said that Decker’s code looked sloppy and to “clean up his HTML.” Decker spent the next two hours cleaning the handicapped stall in the men’s restroom. Ever since that day, Decker has taken over janitorial duties in the men’s restroom, saying that it “helps him think about how to clean up his work.”
Decker is expected to be promoted to Director of Technology next week.