– Executives at the tech company Omnilia are hailing the hiring of 79-year-old intern Ezekiel Cooper as a major success for diversity and equal employment opportunity rights. CEO Dennis Borden called it a “historic event, and definitely not an attempt to circumvent paying fair wages to either experienced workers or fresh college graduates”.
Cooper expressed excitement at the opportunity, looking forward to a new challenge even at his advanced age.
“I spent 15 months in a P.O.W. camp during the Vietnam War when I was 19,” recalled Cooper. “I also helped send our first man to the moon in 1969 as an engineer at NASA. I’m hoping those challenges have been enough to prepare me for my upcoming duties of updating our social media presence on Pinterest.”
Despite Cooper’s optimism, his coworkers at Omnilia remained slightly dubious.
“It’s kind of like that movie The Intern, where Robert De Niro joins that hip fashion company, except he’s not really cute or charming and actually kind of scary,” said fellow intern Twilight Brooks. “Ezekiel only hears out of one ear, and he calls the entire internet ‘fake news’.
“The other day at our desks he wasn’t responding to us, so we had to put a mirror under his nose to make sure he was alive. Fortunately, he was just sleeping.”