Scottsdale, AZ – Employees at Electrotude received a company-wide email from CEO Wesley Alexander at 2:43 in the morning that was filled with his signature all-caps punctuation and motivational berating. Sources at Electrotude were unable to confirm if the email, with the subject line “WHAT ARE YOU DOING”, was motivated by an earlier report sent out, lack of progress on a key project, displaced resentment towards his wife, or just his semi-routine drinking benders.
“It’s hard to know when and what exactly is going to set (Alexander) off,” said COO Wallace Shaw, Electrotude’s fourth COO in six months. “But Electrotude wouldn’t be where it is today without his guidance and willingness to weigh in on any issue. Seriously, he has an opinion on everything, and it’s usually that we’re doing it wrong. Last week he spent 15 minutes arguing with Jay (Brestlin, office manager) about the office fridge lunches not being in alphabetical order.”
Alexander’s latest email blast focused mainly on what he saw as a lack of progress from his tech department, with most of his invective directed towards Cedric Cobb, VP of Technology, who Alexander referred to as “DUMBER THAN MY DISAPPOINTMENT OF A SON”. Alexander’s wife confirmed that their two year old son, Kobe, is progressing steadily through potty training.
“I’ve worked in high-pressure environments all my life, and I’m used to dealing with demanding, in-your-face visionaries,” stated Cobb. “Personally, I like Wes’ no-holds-barred attitude. Having a straight shooter at the top lets you know where you really sit, and thanks to last night’s email I know that Wes has faith in me to ‘SPEND MORE TIME DOING TYPEY STUFF ON THE COMPUTER AND LESS TIME IN THE HANDICAPPED STALL IN THE BATHROOM’.”
Cobb did want to clarify that he only uses the handicapped stall as a matter of convenience, not due to a mental disability, as Alexander implied in his email blast.
Alexander is currently working on his third self-help book, Inspiring Confidence: SHOUT YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS. His other books, Driven to Subjugate and Mind Games: The Ultimate Skill are yet to register on any best-seller list.