Security Guard Adamant About Needing Firearm

Houston, TX – HR representatives at Intrava, confirmed a report that Dan McAfee, 58 year old security guard, has requested that the company provide him with a firearm.  The request seems to have stemmed from an incident involving a Coffee Bean employee informing McAfee that they were no longer serving Cookies & Cream Ice Blended® drinks.

This isn’t the first time McAfee has sought permission to carry a gun.  HR records show the previous requests McAfee submitted:

  • March 25, 2009 – request for Barnett-Vortex Compound Bow after multiple sightings of deer wandering through Intrava’s courtyard
  • January 2, 2010 – request for Glock 19 handgun after seeing two black males in the parking lot (both men were confirmed to be employees at Intrava)
  • October 14, 2013 – request for Mossberg pump action shotgun after Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub throws NFL-record 4th interception returned for a touchdown
  • November 8, 2016 – request for Barrett M82 sniper rifle to “prevent socialist uprising” (request canceled by McAfee after Hillary Clinton failed to win U.S. Presidency)

HR vice president Julio Reyes stated that there were no plans to grant McAfee’s request, and that his motion to bring the issue in front of Intrava’s board has been denied as well.  Reyes said that Intrava is satisfied with McAfee’s currently allotted equipment, which includes a walkie talkie, flashlight, and safety whistle.  His mace was revoked after he sprayed an employee reading The Huffington Post during lunch.

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