CEO Excited to Launch Satellite Branch in Syria

Seattle, WA – Graham Cruise, CEO of tech conglomerate Cryoship, proudly announced plans to open an international office in Syria.  While Syria was ranked last on the Global Peace Index by the Institute for Economics and Peace, Cruise ranked it number one on “Cryoship values”, though he did point out that those values don’t include alleged war crimes against President Bashar al-Assad, which Cruise called a “grey area”.

Cruise also said that opening the new Syrian office branch had no correlation to recent lawsuits filed against the company by its domestic employees.  Allegations include failing to pay for overtime hours, improper 401k management, and charging mothers to use the lactation room.

“Some folks think that moving into a war-torn nation embroiled in a refugee crisis is a recipe for disaster, but Cryoship didn’t grow by playing it safe,” Cruise told reporters.  “In fact, we pride ourselves on being incredibly unsafe, almost life-threateningly dangerous not just to ourselves, but to those in our immediate vicinity.  That’s why we think Syria will be a great fit for us.”

Cryoship’s Syria office marks its fifth international location.  Their other offices are located in Mexico, Myanmar, the Philippines, and a giant island of plastic trash floating in the Pacific Ocean.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply