New Hire Unsure Why He Has Scissors

Scottsdale, AZ – Despite multiple attempts for clarification, recently hired analyst Lewis Taylor remains confused that a pair of scissors was included with his office supplies.  Also included were pens, a notepad, a stapler, a gluestick, and various Paw Patrol stickers.  Despite multiple inquiries, he has received no clarification on whether the stickers can be transferred to his five year old nephew.

“Why is there so much multi-colored construction paper next to the printer?” Taylor asked, noting a distinct lack of standard-issue white 8.5 by 11 inch printer paper.  Taylor has confided privately that he doesn’t know if he has the right skill set for the job, estimating anywhere from 15 to 25 years since he last cut construction paper with scissors.  He has personally evaluated his star-cutting ability as “below average at best.”

While talking with his new coworkers, Taylor also noticed that some of them have rulers at their desks, even though none of them have any job duties requiring sketching, measuring, or drawing.  He estimates “95-100%” of their work is done digitally.

Taylor hopes to get clarification from his manager, Caroline Williamson, in their weekly arts-and-crafts touch base.


Leave a Reply