Cincinnati, OH – Employees at Mistific, an online psychic platform, noticed that the latest company handbook update now included polygamy under its core values. The sudden inclusion caught almost all employees off-guard.
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do about this,” worried Ian Cohen, customer service lead. “I try to follow the other company values; does this mean I have to start another family now? Is my wife supposed to sign this too?”
“Our core values define who we are as a company and what makes us unique,” said Morris Sharp, Mistific’s chief legal counsel. “We believe in hard work, a commitment to excellence, and guys getting it on with a lot of chicks. So many chicks.” Sharp confirmed that the handbook could see additional updates, “like that thing in Braveheart where the king gets to have sex with the bride before the husband does.”
All of Mistific’s female employees have reportedly put in their resignations.