Project Manager Failing Way Ahead of Schedule

Arlington, TX – To the surprise of her peers, Joanne Burgess, senior project manager for Kayity, is well ahead of schedule running their top-priority initiative into the ground.  In less than two weeks, the finish line looks nowhere in sight as multiple teams fail to communicate with each other, align on objectives, or even know what the goal of the project is.  Burgess has managed to accomplish the impossible by shrewdly combining a lack of understanding with paranoia about her job security, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed by her peers.

Alison Ramiro, VP of Product, was blown away by how quickly and easily Burgess had ruined her product’s vision.  “My team spent six months, spec’ing, wireframing, developing user stories, and working on every UX and technical edge case to make this as smooth of a product to build as humanly possible”, Ramiro beamed.  “When I sat down with her to review it all, she kept yawning and pretending the president was calling her phone.  I don’t mean the president of the company, I’m talking about the actual U.S. president.”

Similar stories could be heard from other departments as well.  “I let Joanne know my team could pitch in”, said Jesse Shaw, QA Engineer.  “She smiled and nodded, then later that evening, she backed her car into my motorcycle and blamed it on Alison, even though it was clearly Joanne’s car.  It just really shows how dedicated she is to burning this whole place to the ground.”

Burgess was arrested the next day for attempted arson.

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