Portland, OR – After spending her Sunday watching the first three episodes of Game of Thrones, marketing manager Jenna Schmidt has politely yet sternly requested that no one else at work discuss any of single detail from the award-winning show’s series finale. Schmidt also demanded that no one discuss anything from the fourth episode on, though she was quick to…

Joshua Tree, CA – With her coworkers too busy arguing about whether to catch on “three” or immediately after, Robyn Hodges was left sprawling on her back after a simple team-building exercise went disastrously wrong. As Hodges laid on the ground with a mild concussion, she couldn’t help but laugh at how her coworkers were just as unreliable with her…

St. Petersburg, FL – Shifting her weight nervously, H.R. coordinator Andrea Welch told her manager, H.R. director Becky Huang, that she had something important to tell her, but that Huang had to promise not to get mad at Welch about it. When Huang stated that she couldn’t promise that until Welch told her what she had done, Welch immediately became…

Des Moines, IA – Reluctantly acknowledging his role as a father figure to his team, Colin Ferguson decided the time was right to “have a frank and open discussion about the birds and bees” with his account management team. Ferguson, who has avoided any discussion about sex with his own children, scheduled a mandatory all-day meeting with all of his…

Chennai, India – After receiving yet another email filled with grammatical mistakes and spelling errors, India Solutions CEO Mukul Dhingra was forced to delay his timeline due to a recurring breakdown in communication stemming from his client, Emojis4Lyfe, failing to have a basic understanding of the English language. When Emojis4Lyfe’s CEO sent a Snap rapping about his displeasure with the…

Las Vegas, NV – Coworkers at Vegas Pyrokinetics recorded the disappearance of Tyrese Duncan by adding his name to their growing “2019 Missing Intern Tracker”, a dashboard assembled after 14 previous interns failed to ever return to work after being instructed to feed Dimitry Porozkyev’s pet Bengal tiger, Sprinkles. Despite their disappearance, employees noted that Vegas Pyrokinetics’ careers page still…

Washington, D.C. – Frustrated to find the National Rifle Association’s free-to-take 9mm ammunition tray empty once again, H.R. director Wendy Miller sent a company-wide email reminding employees anyone who takes the last available ammo from one of the many munitions dispensaries within the office is expected to get more from the supply cabinet. The email lectured NRA employees that they…

Dallas, TX – Screaming in terror upon seeing Armando Fillion walking toward the office while cradling his custom purple Martin D-15M acoustic guitar in his arms, coworkers immediately stopped what they were doing to flee through the nearest emergency exits. Fillion, who could be heard repeatedly screwing up the opening to Oasis’ “Wonderwall”, had long made aggressive remarks about bringing…

Orlando, FL – Feeling that the meeting’s mood could use a dash of his irreverent humor after learning that the company still had yet to turn a profit, social media manager Clint Griffith pierced the silence by reciting the Bud Light “dilly-dilly” marketing slogan , drawing uproarious laughter from his coworkers. Despite having no marketing background of his own, Griffith…

Stockton, CA – After reading about Silicon Valley executives experiencing improved productivity due “micro-dosing” drugs like LSD and mushrooms, Krista Robbins recently began what she refers to as “mega-dosing”, where she will take three to four hallucinogens daily. Robbins explained to coworkers that if someone like Tim Ferris is seeing positive results from taking a quarter serving of LSD every…